The Police @ Nikon at Jones Beach Theater, August 5...

Joseph Dionisio, Backstage Pass guest contributor, dishes on the last Long Island show The Police may ever give:

'I had a house, a job as a teacher, a mortgage. What the ---- happened?' Sting asked in mock incredulity at last night's concert at the Nikon at Jones Beach Theater.

What happened is that the band stayed true to its spirit during its second of two nights at the Beach, careening through its hit-laden catalog with virtually the same zeal it exhibited during the Reagan administration. If you missed it...

If you want proof that Sting doesn't take himself too seriously - no easy task, considering the Nabokov references that irked critics early in his career - check out the tail of Elvis Costello's set. Shortly after Sting, wearing a Seinfeld-esque white silk puffy shirt, shared Costello's mike on 'Alison', he, Stewart Copeland and Andy Summers donned Elvis costumes (Costello, not Presley), and in wigs and glasses, cavorted like the Marx Brothers.

During the band's encore, Summers doled out an earnest rendition of Jimi Hendrix's 'Purple Haze'.

Before the encore began, the crowd roared at a shirtless photo of Sting, circa 1978, looking fitter than an Olympian. So when Sting picked up his bass for one last time - shirtless, of course - fans could only marvel that the man's waistline had barely gained an ounce. We can only guess that Copeland can't match the fitness level of Sting, who repeatedly tried in vain to lift the drummer's shirt.

(c) Newsday by Joseph Dionisio